Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Spring 2013

I have a beef with the name of this semester. It really isn't spring and you can't call it spring when it is 5 degrees out side.

I am having a pretty great semester so far and feel like I am adjusting decently, considering my Wednesdays start with a 7 am class. Two PB&Js later and no breaks between work and school I come home at 8:30 pm.

Each semester as I'm planning my semester, I try to work in some health goals, or a plan to stay active. This semester I decided to take a 7 am class and run to it. It honestly hasn't been that bad, just a little cold.

My big health goal is to be less vain. I'm not talking about pride. I know I don't have anything to be prideful of, except maybe my husband;) I'll work on that next semester. What I am talking about is vanity. I sincerely feel like if I follow the trends of society I will be one of those women talked about in the Book of Mormon when it says something like "Oh you vain women of Zion." To work on that I'm trying to stop focusing on outward appearance. I tried today not to let myself feel "proud" that my coworker told me that I looked like someone who would never eat candy (as I ate a box of nerds). In the morning I am trying not to ask my husband if I look "good." Instead I look at myself and ask if I look modest or if I could make others around me feel uncomfortable.

Lately I have had thoughts about seeking for validation in beauty. Why do we seek for people to compliment us? Why do we want a friend to tell us how pretty we look? When you compliment someone, how do you feel? I know this could be different for everyone, but sometimes when I look at someone who looks amazing and all put together, it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I should try harder with my hair, or wardrobe or nails. I know this is my fault, and not theirs, but I have decided to myself that it is okay to be the one who makes others feel good about their looks. Maybe on a day where I am going to be late to class I simply comb my hair and call it good.

I know this is all silly, and makes little rational since. It makes since in the rambling of my thoughts though:) I hope I can one day figure out how to forget about the worldly vanity and become a women who could be considered beautiful because of her smile and her kindness. I have many examples, including my beautiful grandma. One day, I will learn to smile like her.

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