I'm a BIG pretender

Have you ever heard the phrase, "fake it til' you make it"? I don't like it. To me, it has a negative connotation that you aren't being yourself. I do, however, love the meaning of the phrase. I feel like I have been mastering it lately. I think my entire life I have been over-confident in my abilities. There really isn't a challenge I am not willing to take (unless you consider a roller coaster a challenge). I think my mom is the only one who really grasps how extreme this is for me. I even convince myself that I am capable of crazy things. She always reminded me as I was growing up, that I had unrealistic expectations of myself. Now that I'm married, nobody does this for me. Jordan just assumes I know what I am doing, lol.

For the past few months I have had many roles including: Real-estate agent, as I created, edited, and submitted our contract to buy our home. Plumber, when our shower and toilets were acting funny. Landscaper, when our back yard needed some bark put down. Seamstress, making curtains and recovering chairs. Electrician, replacing a florescent light where I used a $5 track light I found at the DI which meant I had to make my own mounting bracket. Ect Ect. I had no idea how to do any of these things when I began the task.

This list is only the start, but you get the picture. It seems to be all about our new home right now, but I actually pretend to be a lot of things. I pretend to be a good wife, teacher, employee, friend ect. I feel like I never have all of the traits I need to accomplish something worth while. I do all that I can to reach my goals, and try to be persistent when things don't go my way or when I make a mistake. I have my days where I get too easily irritated at Jordan and am not a good wife, but the next day I start being a big pretender again. As I pretend, I learn and I stop having to pretend. I believe this is because Heavenly Father blesses us as we try. If we do all we can, and pretend as best we can to have good traits, we will eventually develop them.

Don't misunderstand, I know that my good traits don't even compare to those of others. Luckily, we are judged individually. Comparison steals our joy and I am trying to stop the thief.

Here is a picture of my recent project. I forgot to take a before picture, but it looked a lot like this florescent light, with a nice big crack on one side.

And after...

All it needs now is a few light bulbs. They are crazy expensive, so I ordered them on Amazon with a gift card we had. In a perfect world, all four bulbs in a fixture you buy at the DI would not be burnt out:) 1 out of 4 isn't the worst case scenario, at least. 

I hope you all are having a great day!

Jamie

We're buying a house!

We're buying a town house, which has been in the works for about a month now. We should close before May 1st:) I am so anxious to move in. I have been doing projects and daydreaming nearly non stop. The home is in American Fork and honestly, we weren't even ready to start looking when we decided to buy. The opportunity came so quickly and the spirit told Jordan and I so strongly that it was right. Interest rates are on the rise, so it feels nice to have a locked rate and a knowledge that this is where we will call home. The house has 4 bedrooms, and 3 and 1/2 bathrooms. It is more than enough space for us, so all of you who want to come visit, come! Maybe one of you will actually eat my cookies. They just put in new carpet on the main floor (3 finished levels), built a deck, sonic cleaned the blinds, painted doors and walls. The list of things just done is huge. It is going to make move in day feel like heaven! I am finally going to be able to have a small garden. Anyone with advice on vertical gardening, send it over!

Pinterest home decor section is calling my name. I hope you are all having a perfect Friday!

End of a Journey

Today was the end of one of my big journeys. It was the last day of my student teaching. I will still observe for two more days, next Monday and Tuesday, but it really feels like being done. I have been reflecting today on some of the things I have experienced and wanted to write them down.

I felt like crying a few times today for reasons I didn't anticipate. I assumed I would feel sad because the students I have taught have been so fun to be around. The AF area is phenomenal, hence why we just bought a house there. Oh yeah, maybe I should post about that? The reasons that I started tearing up on my last day, however, was for the students I feel need me. I know that is a huge false statement. None of those students really need me, and they probably don't even like my class. 

D for example has been someone I have tried to reach from day one. He came in, sat in the back, and talked to no one. He made a few disturbing comments that made me feel that he was reaching out for help. I could have done more, but I did try to reach him each day. Sometimes he completely surprised me. One day he came in with nearly 15 missing assignments and excitedly turned them in, after I had given him a folder with all of the assignments he was missing. I just feel like he needs someone to be his advocate. Today he volunteered to read, which he never does! He struggled with nearly every word, but it meant a lot to me that he tried. 

I worry that some of my students have terrible home lives. I want to be someone that stands up for them and helps them feel important. I hear them tell small parts of their lives, such as an alcoholic mother who gets violent when she drinks so they hide her Vodca, and I crumble inside. Who is on their side? Who is going to help them grow and develop the traits of a successful person? I want to be a mother to each of them, but I am not. I am only their teacher, who is leaving next week. 

Maybe I failed at helping these students. Maybe I helped them understand how they can take control of their health. The few thank you cards I have gotten help me to focus on the positives. 

To new adventures where I can attempt to help new people! I will post about the house now:)

Today I concluded that I am a brat

This morning the husband and I made our way to the gym, intending to max on a few lifts because our gym is closed for maintenance for the next two weeks. To our dismay, they had closed two days early without any warning. We decided to try the small UVU gym.

By this time, I was feeling pretty grouchy. 

We jogged to UVU and I spotted Jord on bench press. He maxed at 285 I believe and was bummed it wasn't higher, my grouchy ness went up a notch. I don't like to see him unhappy. This is when a nice person realizes they need to filter their words.

I grabbed a bar and set up to do biceps. I started my first set and by the end realized I was not at all focused. I intended to do negatives but had done normal and sloppy curls. A well meaning, kind bystander/flirtatious guy came clear across the gym to tell me my form was going to hurt my back. Grouchy level 3 hit.

I proceeded to tell this nice man that I had a husband and a degree in health which provided me all the advice on form that I needed. The poor guy tried to explain, to which I continued being bratty. I guess I felt angry that some man felt the need to correct a "helpless" woman. He quickly left the gym, I'm sure he was embarrassed,

I am now in the bath tub with an aching back and a guilty conscience. I wish I could apologize, but I have no idea who he is or where to find him. I need to work on my bratty attitude when I get grumpy:(. I promise to do be better. 

On a happy note, I got a new phone case and my husband loves me. Even when I'm a brat.

I also finished a jewelry case I have been working on.

I'm sorry if I have ever been a brat to any of you. I fear it comes with menstration;) I am trying to work to become more Christ like, but it may take me my entire life to make progress.

I hope your weekend is happy and brat-less:)

Merry Christmas!

Consider this our Christmas card this year. We are pretty boring and I am a little overwhelmed with school. Sending out cards is a little out of my stress range.

Jordan: Jordan is doing phenomenal in his anatomy class this semester. I am constantly amazed at the commitment he has to learning. He often studies and will ask me questions, which I can never answer. I barely passed my anatomy class people. Every morning as I explain my sore muscles, he will teach me what the muscle is called, where it inserts, what action it does, and what activity or lift made my muscle ache. He is going to get a great grade. He is also doing very well at his job. He works for an Ayurveda company, Zrii. They sell a range of health products that we love. Competition is a big thing for Jordan. It has been great that his work offers him ways to succeed and work hard. He wins just about every competition that they have. He is also learning a lot about health through his job. He has a full load coming January. He will continue to work 30+ hours each week and is taking 15 credits, including Kinesiology (sp?).

Me: I am loving the education program at UVU. Beginning January I will student teach for American Fork Junior High. I am really excited about the opportunity. I have many goals for the experience. I hope that I can leave a lasting impression on my students. I want each of them to understand their personal health and enjoy learning about it. I am not so excited to drive through the winter. This spoiled girl hasn't had to drive to work or school for almost 4 years! I walk everywhere I go. Surprisingly as I drove my car to the mechanic in the snow this weekend, I felt very peaceful about driving. I know I will survive and that I am fortunate to be in this situation. I am leaving my wonderful job so that I can focus on student teaching. It is a great blessing to have that option.

Our holidays are going to be full of food, family, our 2nd anniversary, and sleep. I swear, ever since I have become anemic, I can sleep for 12 hours each night and still be tired. The part that I am most excited for is family. I love my family to pieces!

I hope your holidays are full of joy, kindness and peace!

Easy weeknight dinner

It is becoming apparent that I am terrible at this blog business. But dinner is a business where I excelled tonight. Jordan gives me 5 stars and it is super easy.

I looked for broccoli rabe, and had no luck. I even asked the produce woman who looked at me like I was an idiot and took me straight to the broccoli. I gave up and substituted spinach. I just throw it in at the very end and heat it through so it gets soft.

On a life note, our schedules are crazy. I can't wait to be done with classes, but I am beyond stressed to student teach. 99% of my stress comes from the potential of driving in the snow. Friday I find out where I will be teaching. Pray it is somewhere close! If it is far I may have to hire a driver. 

My Forecast May Contain a Storm

This needs to be documented for the sake of argument. lol. Jordan and I are hopeful to become parents some day. Raising a family is a big goal for me. I know that there are many people struggle with having children and I pray that I don't have that burden to bare. With this preface, J and I often talk about raising our future kids and how we want to teach them. This morning Jord comes out of the shower BEAMING and explains to me that he had an epiphany in the shower. I completely thought it would be about anatomy, since he spends his days studying for that class, but the rest of the conversation went somewhat like this:

Husband: When our sons start dating I have the perfect guidelines for them.

Wife: (At this point I'm thinking about things like no sex ect. and date in groups) Yeah?

Husband: The first thing our sons will do when they date a girl is find out if she's a good kisser. This is my reasoning, you can get to know someone and take it slow and fall for them, but if you wait until then to kiss them and they are a bad kisser, you are stuck.

Wife: (rolls eyes) This is not happening

Jordan continued to argue that this was a good idea. The conversation lasted at least 30 minutes. Neither of us folded. I really hope he is just teasing me, but my logic tells me that he actually thinks this is a good plan. At least he is a good kisser;)